It’s tough getting used to going out and talking to strangers. You constantly feel afraid they’re going to ignore you… or worse, not like you at all.

I put together a bunch of techniques that helped me to beat my own fear of talking to women, and I think you’ll be able to use some or all of these yourself to make it a lot easier to start learning how to get girls and do better with women.

First, I found that if you have some good music to to pump you up before you go out and to loosen up, this helps a LOT. I’d give you some recommendations, but from what I’ve seen it seems like the music that pumps people up is different for everyone. So, all I’ll say is figure out what gets you excited about going out to go pick up women, and start listening to it before you leave.

The second thing I found that helped me out a lot in the beginning was taking a long walk to get somewhere. Driving was a killer, but walking put me at ease a lot. It was like I was committing to the night or something. I still don’t fully understand it… but I do know it worked.

But the last thing that I’d recommend? The thing that made the biggest difference for me? Honestly, it was just swallowing the pill and talking to enough girls that most of my fear went away. I still feel it sometimes, a little bit, when I’m first starting a night, or when I see a particularly beautiful girl, but most of the times talking to new girls feels like the most natural thing in the world.

If you have any fear of talking to girls you still need to overcome, hopefully the above techniques can help you out some. They worked for me!

E

For guys who maybe come from a harder edge kind of personality, I’d imagine this one’s a bit more difficult, because it requires taking a stronger interest in actually getting to know women. Picking up women works a lot better when you’re trying to pick up women who like you! Needless to say.

But how do you get a girl to like you? Well, this is one I feel particularly suited to answer, as women always have tended to like me… I was just a little too far on the friendly side of things before. But if you follow these tips, you can easily be just as likeable as I was (and still am… most of the time ).

1. Show interest in women. What I’ve noticed a lot of guys do when they talk to women is, they talk about themselves! A lot! And women always look really bored, or keep trying to change the topic. I don’t know why guys don’t realize this. I guess they’re having too much fun talking about themselves! Instead of being like these guys, you should focus on getting girls to talk about themselves. The girls you’re talking to will end up a lot more interested in the conversation — and a lot more interested in YOU.

2. Seek to relate. One thing my pal Hec that I learned so much from did that I eventually realized was costing him women was that he’d frequently disagree with them and get into mini-arguments with them. It’s cool to not agree with a girl, but it’s NOT cool to get into arguments with them. That’s pretty much a kiss of death for any chance of a getting a girl to like you. Way to go, Hec! (just teasing, bro… but seriously)

3. Seek to bond. Almost the same as seeking to relate — you have to share experiences with women that match or are similar to their own experiences. This is how you bond with them and it’s how you show them you’re on the same page.

Getting girls to like you is really not all that hard… provided you aren’t given to sharing a lot of offensive opinions and that you don’t mind shutting up and letting a girl talk! If you’re the kind of guy who loves to hear his own voice though… it might take a bit of work!

Your pal,

E

Felt like I was beating my head against a wall. And the wall was winning.

Flash forward to these days, and I’m killing it. I trained myself up — now I know how to have good phone conversations, but even more importantly, now I know how to text a girl. Because knowing how to do that well makes life SO much easier.

My texts used to look like this:

Me: What’s kickin’?

Her: Not much. Just studying… blah. What about you?

Me: Yeah, studying for me too. Just had a really gigantic sandwich.

Her: That’s cool..

And then they might limp on a little more from there, but you get the drift. My texting didn’t go anywhere at all.

Lately my texts look like THIS:

Me: Carol, what’s going on? Hope your weekend was awesome. I’m just getting ready for the week ahead… any big plans coming up?

Her: Hey E, weekend was okay. Played mini-golf on Sunday for the first time since I was like 5. How was yours? No big plans this week so far.

Me: Mine was good, though not as exciting as yours… no windmills or sand traps :/ What’s your schedule like this week? We should get some food and chill.

Her: Okay! Let me see what my schedule’s like and I’ll text you tonight.

Boom! Easy dates. What’s funny is, it felt like a long learning curve, but it really only ended up being a few minor changes I made to my texting with girls that made all the difference. Check out these ground rules I follow now with all of my text message flirting:

1. Always use girls’ names. I can’t believe I didn’t realize this before, but girls are SO much warmer and nicer to you when you use their names, and they actually seem excited to hear from you. Jeez, it should’ve been a no-brainer. Well, now I know: use girls names, at least for the first text in a new texting conversation.

2. Keep it light and positive. Sometimes (okay, a lot) I used to talk about how boring my life was or how nothing was going on with girls. Now, in reflection… yeah, THAT’S a great way to make a girl want to hang out with you! Now I realize you should always be a breath of fresh air; girls should be THRILLED to get your text, not like, “Oh no, it’s Downer Boy again.” Be the uplifting guy instead of the annoying, depressing guy!

3. Don’t have any deep discussions via text. I don’t just mean like if Buddhism is better than Hinduism or whether pink shirts mean you’re gay or not. I’m talking about stuff like the two of you talking about relationships or deep thoughts or life problems or anything. Never talk about that stuff over text! I used to do it a lot, so take my word for it — all it does is make a girl respond to you less and less after the “deep texting event.” Girls just don’t want to talk to you after you went all deep with your thumbs.

4. Always go for the date fast. I used to think I was really sneaky by drawing girls into these long texting conversations, like they wouldn’t realize that what I REALLY wanted was to go out with them, and instead I’d fool them into seeing how great I was FIRST, and then they’d be salivating to go out with me. My buddy Hec caught me doing this a few times and threatened to throw my phone in the trash because he said I was wasting my life on uselessness. Duh. Now I just cut the crap and ask girls out right away. And, lo and behold, it works a hell of a lot better. Whoda thunk?

I combine my awesome texting abilities (these days) with being a sexy man and working on my skill in picking up women, and voila, success with girls becomes this upward-bound curve that always seems to be going higher.

Now instead of painful, interminable, ineffective text messages, I can text a girl great stuff, with a minimum of messages, and get her out on a date, and she’s happier to see me than those few kind-hearted souls I managed to wrangle out on dates after bombarding them with 100+ message text conversations. If you’re still doing that –immediately start doing the above steps instead. You’ll be back on here thanking me in a few days!

E

Enter picking up girls.

I didn’t start out wanting to be one of those guys roaming the bars and clubs looking for tail, but it ended up being that I felt like women didn’t leave me much choice: all the women I knew kept shuttling me off into the friend zone, so eventually I didn’t have a whole of other options besides just heading somewhere where I KNEW I could meet women who didn’t know me already and didn’t see me as a gender-neutral crying buddy or something.

Hec turned me onto some good ways to learn how to pick up a girl, and pretty soon I was off to the races. No more thoughts of losing my virginity to a hooker anymore (no joke, I seriously considered that at one point).

What I found out was that there are these basic tenets you really should follow if you want to be any good at picking up girls.

• First, you’ve got to know what you’re after. Most guys go out and just talk to women directionlessly with nothing but a general aim of hoping that somehow one of those women will end up in their beds at the end of the night. Come on, guys. It doesn’t work that way. You have to know what you’re after if you’re going to steer a girl in that direction.

• Second, you’ve got to lead women. This one was the hardest for me, because I sort of used to just waiting for people to do things on their own. I HATED having to lead. Hec gave me a pretty hard time about that; he called me a log who just sat there waiting for other people to push him. He said I needed to become the lumberjack. I didn’t exactly want to cut girls down, but I got the hint: you need to be the one ACTING and pushing and guiding, not the one sitting there lifelessly waiting for something to happen.

• Third, you’ve got to move things really fast. This one was also kind of hard for me, because I kind of like to be able to relax and take things at a “natural” pace. What I realized though is that there’s no such THING as a natural pace! If you get used to showering in 5 minutes, a 45 minute shower seems waaay too long. But if you get used to showering in 45 minutes, a 5 minute shower seems waaay too short. When you get used to keeping things moving, you capitalize on girls’ attraction while they’re still warm for you, instead of losing them later on like I always used to do.

• Fourth, you’ve got to make a move. This one SUCKED at first, because I really had to force myself into doing this. But you HAVE to kiss a girl and start touching her. Otherwise, how can you do anything? What you have to do is just swallow that fear and do it anyway. Then, when you do that, and you start kissing girls and making your move more aggressively and assertively and a LOT sooner than you usually do, you get used to doing it and it even becomes fun.

• Fifth, you’ve got to ask girls to go somewhere alone with you. I guess you could have this one as four and make a move as five, but I don’t know if the order really matters. All I’ll say is, if you like a girl and you want to pick her up, you’ve got to PICK HER UP! So you’ve got to ask her to go home with you, or you’ve got to go home with her, or I guess find a bathroom somewhere (I’m still building up to that one though).

After learning all of this stuff, let me tell you, my success at picking up girls went crazy. Well, maybe not crazy, but it’s getting there

Hope you find this useful!

E

On the verge of just throwing my hands up and saying I’ll never figure this out and going and joining a monastery somewhere, because screw it, girls just don’t make sense, I met Hec, a guy who pretty much changed my life forever. The guy made an impression — he’d always introduce himself to people loudly, since no one ever seemed to understand “Hec” as a name: “My name’s Hec. H-E-C.” Hec liked to brag about how he had no idea what to say to girls, but they still went to bed with him anyway. And you could feel it just talking to him. The guy had inescapable coolness, sexiness, and charisma seeping out of his pores.

So I learned from him. I spent time studying resources online on how to be a sexy man. I did everything I could to change how women perceived me.

And I found a few things I’ll share with you that I think can help you on your journey toward learning how to be a sexy man that women are drawn to as well:

1. Expressions are more important than words. Using sexy eye contact and sexy smiles are WAY more effective than TELLING a girl she’s sexy. It’s no contest, even. I used to go about it all wrong by trying to use a lot of sex talk and tell girls how sexy they were. Now I just let my eyes and my mouth do all the talking. It works a LOT better.

2. Talking less is saying more. Guys who talk too much are NOT sexy. Like, can you think of any sexy guy in the movies who talks a lot about how great he is? Or talks a lot about anything? No! You absolutely can’t. That’s because sexy guys are the ones women talk about as “strong, silent” types — they’re the guys who sit there and just SMOLDER. If you’ve been talking a lot, you’ve probably been going about getting women excited about you all wrong.

3. Learn to use nonverbal attraction to make women want you. The guys who REALLY know what they’re doing do this. It was one of Hec’s secrets — it’s starting to become one of mine, too. If you can communicate with women without using words, they start to really, really dig you.

Anyway, that’s my primer in a nut shell. If you want girls, you want to turn yourself into a sexy man, and you want to get nonverbal attraction stuff down. Get all that covered, and it gets really easy.

Your pal,

E

E